Have you ever tried to pay attention to what it’s like to fall asleep? I mean how does it happen? I’m awake and then I’m asleep. I don’t get it. How do I know how to fall asleep? And why is it called “falling asleep”? I don’t literally fall anywhere, do I?

Let’s think about the bedtime routine. I’m in my comfiest jammies, my teeth are brushed, Leo’s curled up at the foot of my bed, lights are off, maybe music is playing. I straighten my sheets and blankets. (I have a confession. I don’t make my bed. Shhhhh! Don’t tell my mom!) I always sleep with my sheet, comforter, and if it’s cold a warm blanket (that I have to steal back from Leo). I move my pillows until I only have one. I only like one very flat pillow to use when I sleep.

I turn on my side, usually my right side. My arm is under the pillow and I curl up. (I always sleep on my side. I wonder why?) Now that I’m comfortable, I take some deep breaths and close my eyes. My jaw relaxes, my shoulders relax, my breathing slows down…I try to pay attention and I’m awake again. You know that state when you aren’t really asleep, but you aren’t fully  awake, that’s when I try and see if I can really feel what it feels like to fall asleep.

Alas, it never works. The next time I open my eyes, it’s hours later. Leo is still on the foot of the bed, I’m tangled up in my blanket and sheets and now I’m awake…with no idea how I fell asleep.